In the hustle and bustle of our chaotic lives, we often reach the end of the day wishing it had more hours. As exhaustion covered me with heaviness, I walked past my room, peered at my bed, and whispered into my sigh, “I just want to be asleep!” As the hours turned into days, weeks, months and years, my way of life became unsustainable. I knew change was necessary, but how? What? I had to work, I was an only parent charged with all thing’s child and home. Nothing on my plate was optional… so I thought.

In my quest for relief, I assessed my list of responsibilities and demands and incorporated many efficiencies, although helpful, it was not the only answer. Prayer and meditation added a much needed respite in the chaos, yet it occurred in a silo. I could step out of the whirlwind into the calm, but I returned to face the wall of responsibility that grew more ominous with the passing of each year.

Assessing “who and what” was occupying my thoughts, revealed a profound discovery. Energy is linked to feelings of well-being. My participation in two activities was draining my energy reserves, making life all around more difficult. My thoughts about the future were scary. I became a student of mindfulness and taught myself how not to believe my thoughts. After all God knows that our thoughts are pointless, so what would be the point of highly regarding what God deemed pointless.

PSALM 94:11

“The Lord knows that people’s thoughts are futile, worthless, vanity, meaningless, pointless, morally bankrupt, vain, a breath…
(the descriptions come from eight different versions of the bible)

I accepted that I am not God possessing His omniscient abilities, and that my crystal ball will be forever broken. This helped me to stay in the present and dismiss my scary thoughts and assumptions about the future. My well-being improved immensely, and I went from exhausted to tired.

So, what was left? Other people’s baggage. That’s what! The amount of energy expended on the trials and tribulations of other adults depleted my limited energy reserves. Discovering the difference between caring “about people” and “caring for” the people in my life, opened a new channel of understanding, and added time and energy to my life.

I am no longer confused about the difference between “caring for” and “caring about” others. When an adult person fully capable of making their own decisions, continually makes poor decisions, they and they alone must accept responsibility for the consequences. It is not my job to fix them or their problems, it is their job!

After embracing clean thinking and holding the boundary lines, I encountered two new problems that were unexpected. The daunting one was having people try to guilt me into staying the course “taking on” their issues. I was able to quietly step away using the following line of questioning.

Do I care more about this issue than the other person?

Am I expending more time and energy working on a solution or mitigating consequences than the other person?

Can this person make changes in their life and won’t?

If I answer yes to any of these questions, I back away and let people manage their own stuff.

The other unexpected problem was deciding what to do with the extra time and energy that felt so weird. I did lots of simple “ME” things like read a book in my hammock, paint, make jewelry, write a book, take a nap, stare at the sky, pray. I invested the time and energy into making me a better person and adding quality to my life. I enjoyed the simplicity of the inner peace that came with extracting other people’s noise from within me. I could hear the small quiet voice of God directing me to a more beautiful existence.

Awareness is the key to achieving clean thinking. When you find yourself fretting about the future because your thoughts are running wild, remember what God knows about your thoughts and don’t believe that you know better than Him.

Step away when you find yourself caring more about another person’s challenges than the person. Detach when the time and energy you expend solving another’s self-created problems is greater than their effort.

Breaking this habit can be difficult. The trick is to pay attention, be alert, and get out as fast as you can when you find yourself in the chaos. The goal needs to be to continuously shorten the amount of time you spend in someone else’s chaos. Nothing can be gained by caring more about an issue than the person who has the issue.

One more tip – embrace your value and be secure in the knowledge that you are worthy of a beautiful life. Ask God to remove the people and chaos that keep you from hearing His voice. Be careful NOT to drag back in that which God removes. Use stillness and quiet kindness to hold the line with people who try to force themselves back in.

Be sure to enjoy your newfound freedom and the time and energy that you will create in your life!

Peace out BeYoutiful people – always remember, it’s never too late to stop doing the wrong thing, and serenity, courage, and wisdom are yours for the asking.

If you want to ask questions, suggest topics, or share your story, my email is kbhbeautifulpossibilities@gmail.com I am also available to speak to groups both large and small.