I am quite pleased that you have chosen to join me for this hopeful moment of enlightenment. Allow me to introduce myself… I am a “Warrior for Christ” on a mission to share His love and peace with all who seek it. I have a story to tell and it’s packed with hard lessons-learned, that just might belong to you too. I am excited to be a new columnist for The Astonishing Tales, thank you Astonishing Kyle Jackson! I am also proud to be a published author, inspirational speaker, and beacon of light for those in darkness.

The defining moments of my life that led me to this day include: The survival of an attempted murder at age 17, and the many poor decisions made in the aftermath, the sudden tragic death of my youngest brother, a life consumed with another person’s addiction, a medical miracle, holding my mother’s hand through the battle she lost to cancer, and the rediscovery of peace, love, dignity, and faith.

You may be suffering because of an event like one or more of mine, and you may be in the place I awoke to find myself in many years ago. My personal life was a mess, and I knew it, I wanted it to reclaim my life, yet I kept making choices that kept it messy….AND I DIDN’T KNOW WHY!!!

To the question of “why?” there is a short answer that provides understanding and a long answer that leads us out of the chaos. Today begins our journey of tackling the many components of the long answer. A series of articles designed to bring you into the light of love and understanding will be published here. In my book, Amazing Love, I chronicle my journey in great detail, so this series will compliment that which I laid bare in the book. It should be noted that I will not be describing the attack on my life…I did it in the book and it was traumatizing, so I won’t be injuring myself like that again!

The short answer to the question, “Why do I keep making choices that wreak havoc in my life, even though I don’t want to, and I know better?” is… we have two brains. Yep, two brains – look it up! An emotional brain and an intellectual brain. Our emotional brain gets our needs met no matter what our intellect thinks or wants! Yea, this is an interesting phenomenon that we may explore later, but today you’ll just have to trust me or read about it yourself. Although this fact is key and sheds light on why we are unable to do what we want to do, it’s not that useful in helping us to transform our lives because we must learn why we are a living contradiction within ourselves.

The root of my contradiction stems from the attempt on my life. Unbeknownst to me for many years, my core beliefs about myself and my life changed. I grew up knowing that I was a precious child of God worthy of love, dignity, and respect. In a single day, a man who did not share this belief about himself, decided he should enlighten me by making certain I knew I was not even worthy of one more breath on earth. So much happened on that day! My emotional brain got the message loud and clear, “You are not worthy of love.” This broken man also created new truths about my life that my intellect refused to acknowledge. I was a brave and fearless girl, ready to conquer the world, so I didn’t acknowledge when I
became terrified of everything and everyone.

My response to this fear that rocked the core of my being, was to find a strong person devoted to my safety more than to himself and his life that revolved around addiction, and to indulge in substances that gave me reprieve from the constant pressure of the attacker’s hands that lingered on my arms and body like a parasite, constantly reminding me that he or another could be just around the corner.

In the wake of these two responses, I would spend two decades spiritually bankrupt in an unrecognizable chaotic life that reinforced the lies about my value. When my then husband sought help for his addiction, I encountered two questions. Seeking the answers to these two questions became the driving force behind my recovery and the body of work that has helped others heal. I was asked, “We know why he is here, what is so broken in you that you are with him?!?!” WHAT? I was just informed that I am broken – but how? – why? Confusion flooded my brain – In that moment and for another year, I was clueless that the events of 1982 were destroying my life in 1994. I was also informed that if I left that marriage, I only had a 2% chance of not ending up in a relationship with another addict. May of 1994 marked the start of an incredible journey where I eventually discovered why I ended up in a placed I wanted to leave, how to leave that place, and how never to go back! I was haunted by the question, “If the reason for leaving this marriage is to get away from another’s addiction, why on earth would I or 98% of people choose this again?” It made zero sense, so I spent another decade searching for the answer! I figured it out and against the odds, became a 2%er. I hope to see you back soon as we
dive into what it takes to have a peaceful life filled with love dignity and respect. If you want to stop the bad relationship cycle and learn to be a 2%er then stay in touch!

Peace out beautiful people – always remember, it’s never too late to stop doing the wrong thing!

If you want to ask questions, suggest topics, or share your story my email is lifeasa2percenter@gmail.com I am also available to speak to groups both large and small.