There is an inherent truth about setting, reaching, and maintaining goals that alluded me for most of my life. I consider myself a “goal-oriented person,” because I am! I have read countless books and articles, attended a multitude of workshops, and learned all the tricks of the trade. I did so because one of my goals was to set and reach goals that improved me and my life. Along the way, I gathered lots of valuable tools for setting goals.

I recently spent some time reflecting on my life’s successes and failures, and the role I played in each. I noticed a pattern that stumped me before it lit the flame of knowledge within me. I had a flawed definition of success and failure.

To be blunt, there were no failures. I didn’t get it because my measuring system was flawed. Once I set a goal, I had to perfectly execute it before I could call it a success. No! No! and No! I was wrong!

Take a walk with me through a goal my husband and I set in our marriage to understand why I was wrong. If you share a life with a significant other, you know how hard it can be! The person you love can make you mad!!! If you are like us that anger can lead to noisy discussions. Stupid words may even leak out of your mouth. The person on the receiving end could be subjected to some demoralizing and painful accusations or innuendos.

NOT FUN!

NOT HOW I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE!

NOT WHY I GOT MARRIED!

When I got married, the goal was to live with a person that I adored and loved. I wanted to cherish him each day. I wanted him to look at me as say, “ What a lucky man I am to have this girl!” I wanted to live happily ever after! YES! I wanted the fairytale!

As the reality of our humanity crept in, I, like most people succumbed to the frailty of my emotional being. It became easier to be annoyed then to be loving. He also discovered that I was not quite the goddess he imagined, nor could I jump high enough to hang the moon!

We got a bad case of the “fussies” and wondered if we were condemned to this as a way of life. Disappointment covered us like a wet, stinky blanket and we questioned how on earth we may have missed the mark with our goal of having a sweet, loving, tender relationship.

We committed to get back to where we were when we started our journey together. That worked until someone said or did something to rile up the other person.

To reconcile the discrepancy, we declared that we wanted an honest, sweet, kind, loving, supportive, tender, anchored in faith marriage.

We knew that no one could live like that all the time – you know, the whole human thing gets in the way. We also knew that we are the only people who can give these gifts each other, and we are the only ones capable of stealing beauty from our marriage. As such, we each had to choose to give it to the other person every day.

We didn’t set the unattainable goal of NEVER getting sideways with each other. We instead agreed to continuously shorten the amount of time spent in the “bad vibe mode.” The goal is to have a quick recovery time. Some days he drags me out of the funk, or I drag him, or we get there together.

Setting a goal that is attainable is the key to successful goals. If you want to clean up your diet, commit to eating less bad food. I learned the hard way that the moment I say, “NO more sugar!” All I want to eat is sugar. My goal is to pick it seldomly, not to give it up completely. That way if I eat sugar, it’s part of my goal, and I’m not dragged into the pit of “goal failure despair” which leads to tossing the goal and fully embracing sugar, nor am I beating myself up about it.

The point of setting goals is to challenge us to push beyond our limitations so that we can attain success and improvement in some area of our life. This is a powerful way to create meaningful change in our lives. The key to staying the course with your goals, especially if they are a far reach, is to  account for your humanity and weaknesses.

A great analogy comes from mountain climbing. The goal being to reach the summit, a climber must create a base camp at certain altitudes, pass the base camp while climbing up, then climb down to base camp repeatedly for their body to acclimate. If they don’t come back down the mountain, they can suffer great injury or death. A mountain climber spends more time going down the mountain than up the mountain, even though the goal is to reach the top of the mountain.

To reach your goals, you must plan to backtrack to base camp repeatedly. Each time you ascend, it will be easier to climb upwards towards your  goal. Your base camp will ascend with you and you will spend less time there as you attain the new goal you seek.

Our humanity migrates to the familiar while resisting change. The drag you feel is normal, so embrace this fact, plan for it, and push forward with meaningful change.

Peace out BeYOUtiful people – always remember, it’s never too late to stop doing the wrong thing, and serenity, courage, and wisdom are yours for the asking.

If you want to ask questions, suggest topics, or share your story, my email is kbhbeautifulpossibilities@gmail.com I am also available to speak to groups both large and small.